On Being Queen

I've been in reign for 23 years, 10 months, and 24 days. and counting.I hated my stroller when I was young. Either I was going to push it or walk alongside it, but by no means would I ride in it. Even at a young age I was determined to make it on my own. I was a willful curly-haired girl with a fiery desire to live by my own law.

This was the pattern for quite some time, and still bubbles up to the surface in my present days. It's difficult to fight something so innate it's disguised as you.

What do you love to reign over in your life?

Let me begin by giving you a list of mine...

My creative work

Every aspect of my career path 

My finances

My current relationships

My future relationships

My reputation

I'd assume approximately 28% of my day is spent day dreaming of the life I don't have quite yet. I'd assume another 43% of my day is spent strategizing the avenues I can pursue to get there. I'm obsessively attached to this life. I love it. I want every step in the process to be enjoyable and lively and passionate. I want to be queen and I want to be proud.

Yet, my dreams quietly hum on, my confidence billowing below. Is it me? Is it due to a lack of effort? Maybe I'm not meant for the best! Perhaps I was created for something else, someone else? A constant tension, a brute force.

And here, my friends, enters the story of Esther. Months leading up to the blog launch, I was immersed in the book of Esther. I believe it was preparing my heart for this post and ones similar. Esther was an ordinary girl, royalty bestowed upon her. God had a plan for her from the beginning, one with shining lights and sparkling color. Queen. Even then, Esther still struggled to navigate the waters of purpose.

Esther was wearing the physical crown, while her King orchestrated a life she couldn't have dreamed up herself. Do you ever consider what you are without at the moment, and what a blessing that might be? God promises us something 1 million times greater! My heart swells with gratitude.

As you may have read in my manifesto, my blog title encompasses the premise of feeling complete ownership over what is mine. Yet the moment I let go and start moving into the sphere of God's mystery, of His unknown dreams for me, I feel a peace not of this world. It's one hundred shades of grey, yet feels infinitely certain. I pray we can all encourage one another to live into His promise to deliver.


I love having you here. Until next time!