"At that time Joshua spoke to the Lord in the day when the Lord gave the Amorites over to the sons of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel,
'Sun, stand still at Gibeon, and moon, in the Valley of Aijalon.' And the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, until the nation took vengeance on their enemies.
Is this not written in the Book of Jashar? The sun stopped in the midst of heaven and did not hurry to set for about a whole day. There has been no day like it before or since, when the Lord heeded the voice of a man, for the Lord fought for Israel."
Life for me lately is moving at a glacial pace. I've become a pro at filling my time with travel (as you can obviously see), job applications, networking, and the like. It was easy and welcomed for the first two months or so, but now is starting to resemble a burden of sorts. I'm not proud of this time off. I'm constantly tempted to justify it to others, to let them know it's simply a temporary amount of time before I begin my life once again. Yet here's the thing-- this time of life might go on longer than I imagined or hoped, and as often as I kick my feet at it, I know there is infinite purpose in the downtime. The difficulty with time is we want it to keep chugging along when we hold it in excess, yet we hope life will come to a sudden halt when we feel we're running out. Humans!
I love this image from Joshua, of the sun and the moon quite literally sitting still. God allowed time to suspend in order for the Israelites to defeat their enemy. He fought for them in the most impossible scenario, paying attention and heeding to their voice. It is so incredibly powerful, is it not? Of our Lord stopping the world for the sake of one human voice. He has the power of one million kings, yet he heeds for a whisper.
I wanted to share an encounter I had during my last days in Nashville, one I have not shared with many. About five days before I put in my two weeks notice at work, I woke up in the middle of the night (which rarely happens) to a clear voice. The phrase "Anna, be still and let go" sat in the still air of my quiet apartment. I heard it as if someone was audibly sitting next to me. It was not a suggestion, it was a statement. I fell right back to sleep as if my heart could finally rest. To this point in my life, I've not heard a voice so clear as I did on August 22nd at 3am. I was incredibly heart-worn and needing a change in my day-to-day work. This night gave me the confidence to move on and believe I didn't have to keep grinding the turn wheel expecting to see grain turn to gold.
I had already committed to a house with two wonderful roommates and paid for several events and trips out of Nashville. I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of having to quickly adjust my next few months without much warning. Yet God cleared a path for me, and I moved away without much difficulty at all. He was fighting for me even when it felt like I was giving up.
I'm learning in the midst of time slowing down, God's will to fight doesn't. I left Nashville after a long bout of thought on my career and what direction I really desired to go. It's a complete and utter luxury to be able to stop and move back in with my parents support. I'll always be grateful for this time, for their infinite love and support, and willingness to help me pursue what's next. I'm grateful for travel and sleeping past 7am. I'm grateful for a healthier mental state and family dinners. I'm grateful for a God that's sticking with me in the midst of a constantly wavering faith.
I thought this time off would provide a clear answer about what's next. I'm learning clarity isn't necessary to make a decision, only faith. In the midst of haziness is a God with a clear promise:
I love you. I'm fighting for you. You are more important to me than the moon, the sun, and all the stars. Stay with me, forever.
I don't know what is making you feel "less than" right now, but I know this promise applies to every heart. I've toiled with feeling like my current struggle is trivial and all I need is a thicker skin. Yet in our weakness, in our most vulnerable state, He is strongest. Thin skin and an open, humbled heart should be the preference, don't you think?
Sending hugs from afar!